I Wanna New Drug

Got a new med yesterday. Cymbalta. It’s another mood stabilizer which also hopefully works with ADD. Since it’s a dual uptake inhibitor (seritonin and dopenephrine) it may (if it works) be able to replace the Zoloft that I’m on for depression as well. That would be good.

This chemical cocktail that my doctors are continually mixing and adjusting is kinda crazy. We’re avoiding stimulants (like Ritalin) because they might trigger my migraines. So we’re taking the long winding back road around the ADD thing by going through all the mood stabilizers that have worked on some (but not all) people with ADD.

So for those of you keeping score:
Diagnosis: Major Depression, Current Drug: Zoloft

Diagnosis: ADD, Current Drug: Cymbalta
Previously: Desipramine, Strattera

Diagnosis: Migraine associated Vertigo, Current Drug(s): Klonepin, Xanax and/or Frova (as needed)
Previously: Neurontin, Valium, Scopalamine, Mirtazapine, Trileptal, Effexor, Hydrocodone, Meclizine

I can only stand back and laugh and swim through the toxic soup.


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Better Living Through Chemistry

I went to the doctor today. He’s a holistic practitioner recommended to me by my therapist. It was kind of nice to walk into an office that didn’t have the ubiquitous medical illustration posters on the wall sponsered by . His pen didn’t have a logo on it. The notepad in which he furiously scribbled the tidbits of my life on did not say Glaxo Smith-Kline at the bottom. Refreshing.

So now I’m taking huge amounts of B12, Folic Acid, Fish Oil, COq10 and the like. Hopefully these will have some effect on my vertigo. They hopefully will help me get my depression back down to an approachable level.

To help me with the later I’m also now taking a very small dose of Zoloft. Because of my previous negative reactions to psychotropic medication in the past he is being very conservative in the dosage. It’s the smallest dosage they make, and I’m taking half of that for 10 days to see if my brain chemistry goes completely nutso over it. If everything goes well, we’ll be uping the dosage.

I feel so weird about taking it. After (I guess it’s over 8 months ago now) that I had such a negative experience with the whole bits, I’m extremely wary. But as it has been pointed out to me, this kind of depression is your brain chemistry being fucked up in one way or another. It doesn’t mean it’s fucked forever, and the medication can help set it right. At the very least, it can help you focus on trying to figure out why you’re depressed and do something about it while you’re still participating in the life around you. At least that’s what I’m telling myself right now.


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Frustration Station

OK. When is this going to end? I am so over this vertigo thing. The last 9 months have felt on and off like a really bad trip. The more research I do, the more depressed I get. The more doctors I go to, I find that I don’t get anywhere.

Here’s this medication, you might try that one.
Sorry, that one puts me to sleep. I can’t exactly go to work and sleep all day, now can I? After all, I have to pay you.

OK, then try this one.
Sorry, that one gives me freakin’ anxiety attacks.

This one?
Nada. Nothing. Thanks for playing.

One more shot, how’s this one?
See previous statement about anxiety attacks. Why is it that I seem to have anxiety attacks when taking anti-anxiety medication!?!

So, I’m off meds. I’m on CO-Q10, Ginko Biloba, B6, Ginger et. al. All things that supposedly have been known to work. I’ve only been taking them for 2 days now, and hey, they’re cheaper than prescription meds. So far no side effects. No results either. But no side effects.

And I’ve taken a break from physicians for the last few weeks. Can’t say as I miss going to them, but out of desperation, I will be calling yet another neurologist later this week. Someone please make this stop!


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