Better Living Through Chemistry

I went to the doctor today. He’s a holistic practitioner recommended to me by my therapist. It was kind of nice to walk into an office that didn’t have the ubiquitous medical illustration posters on the wall sponsered by . His pen didn’t have a logo on it. The notepad in which he furiously scribbled the tidbits of my life on did not say Glaxo Smith-Kline at the bottom. Refreshing.

So now I’m taking huge amounts of B12, Folic Acid, Fish Oil, COq10 and the like. Hopefully these will have some effect on my vertigo. They hopefully will help me get my depression back down to an approachable level.

To help me with the later I’m also now taking a very small dose of Zoloft. Because of my previous negative reactions to psychotropic medication in the past he is being very conservative in the dosage. It’s the smallest dosage they make, and I’m taking half of that for 10 days to see if my brain chemistry goes completely nutso over it. If everything goes well, we’ll be uping the dosage.

I feel so weird about taking it. After (I guess it’s over 8 months ago now) that I had such a negative experience with the whole bits, I’m extremely wary. But as it has been pointed out to me, this kind of depression is your brain chemistry being fucked up in one way or another. It doesn’t mean it’s fucked forever, and the medication can help set it right. At the very least, it can help you focus on trying to figure out why you’re depressed and do something about it while you’re still participating in the life around you. At least that’s what I’m telling myself right now.